Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize