you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We left an ass print on the piano.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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