I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
