i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
