drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize