I just cut my nipple shaving
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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