I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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