Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
