the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
