I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
