Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
