y did u give ur computer a hand job?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This is my gift to your gina
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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