We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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