She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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