Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
