i think i have herpe
just one?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
