And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
