Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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