Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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