Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
