No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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