names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't turn off my feet"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
