I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
