I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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