The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
