he puts the penis in happiness.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
