the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
