did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
