I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
