God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
