i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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