i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
People in love make me want to vomit
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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