So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
