SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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