Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
