So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
