Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
