if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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