Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
