I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
