it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
