Where did you get a picture of my penis
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
