Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
