I didn't shave. On purpose
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
