are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
