I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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