Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize