your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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