it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
it's like iHOP with fire
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize