Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
as a side note pls kill me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
