Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
