Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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