i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
