and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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