I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
