All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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