At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
