the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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