My first STD was from a foam party
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
