3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
