Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
