Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
