i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
