Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
