i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
